User talk:Funbun7
so, what are your thoughts on my creepypasta, two face? Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User talk:Funbun7 page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 05:23, May 6, 2017 (UTC) However the story violates our spinoff rules and is below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:48, May 6, 2017 (UTC) Re: Story First and foremost, we no longer accept Slenderman proxy stories without approval as they tend to follow a similar story without any real variation. Additionally the other plot issues really weaken the overall story (addressed below). Your story is also one large paragraph and needs a lot of breaking up. Dialogue also needs to be spaced out to prevent misattribution and improve story flow. ""my party's tomorrow, you coming?". "Y-yeah ill be there", Victoria said in response. "Good, i'm hoping lots of people show up"". Two speakers shouldn't be on the same paragraph as it tends to clutter up the story. Capitalization: You forget to capitalize a lot of proper nouns and the start of multiple lines of dialogue, ""my (My) party's tomorrow, you coming?".", ""Y-yeah ill (I'll) be there", Victoria said in response.", ""Good, i'm (I'm) hoping lots of people show up"", etc. Punctuation: A number of lines of dialogue in your story are either missing proper punctuation (""Good, i'm hoping lots of people show up" Dana said.") or have the punctuation incorrectly left outside of the quotations ("She gasped "what am i?!"."). You also leave out apostrophes from a number of contractions (as seen above). A lot of your story feels rushed without proper time being spent to build up scenes effectively. "They knew she wasn't okay and called the ambulance, but by the time they arrived, Victoria's dead body was gone. She woke up. She wasn't sure how but she was in the woods with a mask near her and she was back from the dead." The protagonist died and was resurrected within a few lines without much effective description. A lot of the description also feels kind of generic (like the type you see with most types of stories that are about proxies) "She had white skin, black eyes with black liquid dripping from them and a black painted frown on one side of her face, with black liquid dripping from her mouth, her teeth were sharp. She gasped "what am i?!". "hush child" said the voice. "I new (sic) you would become the perfect proxy, I've been watching you and knew you were worthy"". There's also a real lack of explanation going on here. Why exactly was the protagonist selected as a proxy and why exactly do they decide to start murdering people when there's no real indication that she's angry about her accidental death? It doesn't make a lot of sense that this person would wake up after such an event and decide to follow the orders of a faceless monster and begin murdering people. There are other mechanical and plot issues, but I think that's a good enough start. the mechanical issues I pointed out above should be applied to your other stories. As for the plot issues, I think if you're going to try for an appeal to post the story, that you're going to need to do a lot of re-writing and revision to make this plot more effective. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:46, May 6, 2017 (UTC) :No problem. As always, the writer's workshop is the best tool for writers looking for feedback before going up against our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:10, May 7, 2017 (UTC) ::I typically don't share personal info, but if you want to shoot a message to my gmail, I'll try to respond in a timely manner (it's my handle @gmail.com). That being said, I do have other things going on in my life so I may not be quick to respond (especially since that account is more auxiliary). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:46, May 7, 2017 (UTC)